Posted by: ubahleeob | January 7, 2009

Where Did All The Time Go?


It’s 2009.  2009, I can’t believe it.  Actually I can, every time I try to get off the couch or bend down to tie my shoes — the reality of  2009 is made very, very real.  However, like I told a friend, “Aging is better than the alternative.”  

I spent New Year’s weekend with a friend who is going through a divorce.  Married 19 years, she never saw it coming.  One day her husband (who I count as one of my best friends) decided he “wanted to be single”.  He claims he wrote her a letter 2 year and 5 months ago informing of his desire to depart (can you say coward?) — but she only recently found the alleged letter in some of  his belongings.  He wants no intervention, no counseling, he claims he just wants to be single.  He goes on to intimate that God has given his heavenly okee dokey to the separation — God wants the hubby to be happy.  All I can say is “WHAT MADNESS!!!”   This odd turn of events has of course, devastated the wife.  He also is attempting to make her the bad guy.  While he claims he wants to stay friends, he asserts that her actions (nothing more than questions about what happened) are instead turning him into an enemy.  

All I can do is shake my head in disbelief and pray.  I have spent hours; lots and lots of hours with the both of them.  I met them both at a church we were visiting and our following of Christ was something we shared from the start.  He was a guitar player, I am a drummer — we actually have played together a bit.  But most of all, we just liked them because they just liked us.  Nothing fancy, just good ole fashion friendship.  Now, I don’t know — he wants everything and wants to leave her nothing (not that they have that much to split).  He has found another female to spend time with, claiming that their marriage is no longer valid — it’s just a piece of paper. All along I keep wondering, ‘where did my friend go? What happened?”  Sadly I have asked, but he will not answer. So it seems that I have started the year by losing a friend.  Hopefully, when 2010 comes around, I will have found him again.



  1. I would bet that he is seeing another woman. People don’t leave unless they have somewhere to go…

  2. Man…that sucks. One of the confessions I read every morning quotes Peter’s response to Jesus…”To whom could I go? You have the words of eternal life, I have believed and have come to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

    The cult of self has a powerful pull on us, especially in our culture at this time. The thought that we could run away from our present situation and find fulfillment in something, or someone new is such an illusion.

    I know the grief you feel in this…I’ve certainly been there with friends of my own. May God have mercy and grace on us all and open our eyes and keep us all from evil, within and without.

  3. Awesome reference soulsurfer (how about soul-server – that is biblical isn’t it?).

    Only God has the words of life. Praise Him!

    Thanks for your words!


  4. It is so difficult when we Satan win a battle. Helen and I will pray for this marriage.

    I encourage you to work with the wife and give her the strength to “stand firm” for her marriage. God will honor her for that. Even though the husband seems completely “done”. If she stands for God’s plan for this marriage and we surround her with prayer God will work a miracle. I have seen it happen.

  5. That’s very, very sad. When we are “true to ourselves” and “follow our hearts” we inevitably fail and set ourselves and others up for hurt.

    From what you’ve said, it does seem that he left because he found this other woman, and his aversion to simply explaining his actions and decision-making process is not very encouraging either. And it will be even tougher for your friend if her husband tires of the new relationship and wants to return.

    I am always amazed how people justify their own desires as something that God blesses. God is less interested in our “happiness” as he is in developing our character to be like Christ. It’s definitely not biblical to leave your wife for another woman. I hope for your friend that Christ really becomes her rock while she goes through this.

    P.S. Can you get your friend to watch the movie Fireproof? You never know…

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: