Posted by: ubahleeob | June 9, 2008

Kinda Sad, But It’s Ok





Sorry gang, kinda sad tonight.  I have been  trolling the tag surfer for the past few hours and it has really given  me a case of the  blues.  I have spent most of the evening  reading a lot of blogs by “former” Christians.  It’s really amazing how many of these type blogs there are, maybe it shouldn’t be.     Also, the level of their thought and writing is really,  for the most part, great. Witty, scathing, critical, funny — most of these blogs are top shelf. 

You know, I could have been one of them, except in my de-evolution I have never given up on Christ.   Oh, in my day I was guilty of wearing the Big Christian Hat, spouting all the blather that we Christians spout. Then the change came, the “horizon event” that caused me to re-think all that I had ever believed. Most of what I had held onto as truth bit the dust,  but I never gave up on Jesus, or maybe he never gave up on me (probably closer to the truth). 

Still it makes me sad.   Most of these writers seem to have spent a substantial part of their lives “in the faith” and  then something happened that caused them to walk away. Some of them point to “the event”, for others it took some time.  Still all came to the same conclusion — I have questions and Christianity doesn’t have the answers.  Wow, what an indictment.

 I know what some of you might be thinking, “well the Bible says it’s better to have never known Jesus than to know him and walk away.”  I know, but I am sorry, I can’t give up that easily.  It’s a personality issue thing with me, never have been good at giving up. You can help Judas adjust his rope, I just can’t. 

I wish  I could tell them all that it’s ok to have questions.  It’s ok not to understand everything.  It’s ok to have doubts.  God is up to the questions, he is up to the doubt.  Don’t think you are the first to be honest with him. Honesty is one thing he craves (I think).  It’s ok to scream, cry, and throw things.  It’s ok. 

Still it’s sad to lose your faith and replace it with what,  science or your own intellect?  Now that is really sad.  Maybe that’s why I never let go. I can’t help it, I have to believe that the creator of everything from time to termites cares about my doubts, my cries, my anger, my confusion, my fears — he cares about silly, messed up me.  I can’t help it, like Michael Been(of The Call– what a great band)  said, “I still believe”. 

Still,  I’m a little sad tonight, but it’s ok.  




  1. I really think you need to give your own intellect a little bit more credit. 😀

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