Posted by: ubahleeob | May 2, 2008

Depression, Dreams and Doubts — part deux








I wrote last week about a bit of depression that I was experiencing. It is funny isn’t it? I have been a follower of Christ for nearly my entire life, four and 1/2 decades, and still I doubt, still things really get to me, still I question.

But I have come to this profound conclusion, there is nothing really wrong with me. Too often I think we believe that the change Jesus offers us also changes our DNA. We are now somehow above the fray (really good band, can’t wait for the next album!). Yet, the Bible is FULL of accounts where honest, hard working, God loving people doubted, got the blues, and questioned their dreams. That is what gives me hope. No, no I say … that is what makes me happy.

We all have heard about the mighty cloud of witnesses that surround us. You wanna know a secret? THEY WERE ALL SCREW-UPS JUST LIKE YOU AND ME. What made them “mighty” wasn’t what they had, it was actually in what they didn’t have. It’s that “when I am weak, then I am strong” thing. You want to talk about miracles, there’s one. Do we really think that Jesus didn’t get bummed, didn’t get tired, didn’t get frustrated? If he didn’t he wasn’t human.

So this dream I thought had died, I have let it out of the grave. Who am I to declare it’s demise? Who am I to dictate how and when it must come to pass. I don’t have the power to design how it looks or acts.

And the friends that I thought I had misplaced, I saw a couple of them last night. Ya know what? Their lives are just as busy as mine. We talked for a few minutes and I remembered why I love’em. I still miss them. I wish things were like they once were (and so does Starbucks. Our lack of contact–which often occurred at our local ‘Bucks–might be one reason SBux’s is have the financial troubles that they are), but I still really love’em.

So today, on this cloudy, windy (when isn’t it windy here in middle Tennessee — you would think we lived in Kansas), soon to be rainy Friday, I am a bit more content, a bit more convinced that yesterday really is wrinkle on your forehead and today is all I’ll ever really have (thank you Jon Foreman). The rest (happily) is up to God.



  1. Thanks for the comment. Serving my country really is no problem, someone needs to do it, right?

  2. hey ubahleeob,
    just wanted to thank you for your courage to talk about this in a couple of posts…your openness helped me try to articulate a difficult fork in the road detailed in today’s post–
    the “helen” in jimhearthelen 🙂

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